Sometimes you write something that you really really enjoy but perhaps you’ve already said it in a different or better way and just because you really like the point doesn’t mean you have to repeat it over and over and the admissions officers are very very intelligent people they will understand what you’re trying to say so you really need to be as economic with your language as possible so they can understand as much as you of you as possible most most importantly do get feedback especially from someone who doesn’t know you. Read more about essay feedback and how to work with it at Edusson.
This could include our offices they can include your college admissions counts first they can include your teachers your friends your family anyone and it’s good to get it from a wide range of people those who know you very well could say if you’re portraying yourself wrong whereas those who don’t know you could give you feedback and tell you okay so this is what I think of you as a person after reading this is this right and if it’s not right you know what you just you can ask them what led you to believe that I was really prideful or what led you to believe that I like this more than I did or didn’t like there’s a sponge as I did and so that really helps you pinpoint what you’re doing right and what you maybe need to work on so with our officers we really really try to focus on editing your college essays so before as you can see when my uncle diamond tragic car accident in the United States my entire family intensely started taking care of each other so this in this one sentence I can see a lot of the issues that I said not to do at the very beginning it is a very objective recount while she is taking a while the writer is taking control of the situation by saying my uncle using words like tragic. Before writing your essay, you need to learn how to work with your draft.
These are very easy words that a lot of new sources use for example and so moving on to the edited sentence it was probably when my uncle died in a car accident far away in the United States MI whole family starts making cabbage so intensely this is all just slowly and quietly working to emphasize the gravity of the situation and probably makes it very personal like it’s very difficult for us ourselves to define discrete events in our lives where things changed and this change probably happened over a little bit of time and so it’s good to use words like probably far away in the United States is very good because it kind of brings you into her perspective of not being in the United States and having this kind of crazy and tragic event happened so far away from your own home where you can’t really do much about it my whole family sounds very much more colloquial it sounds like something you would say aloud.